Forever
by Gabby Bard
Summary: Gabrielle faces losing Xena after the warrior is injured and doesn't say anything about it.


Forever **Disclaimer**: I do not own the characters Xena, Gabrielle, and Argo (wish I did though ;) ). They are property of MCA/Universal. I in no way intended to infringe on their copyright. Also, the quotes from actual episodes that were used in this fan fic are under MCA/Universal's copyright.

**Author's Note**: If you're not one for drama, you might not like this story. And you might want a kleenex on hand if you cry easily. ;)

**Feedback**: If you would like to comment on my fan fic, please email me. My email addy is [gkehring@tds.net ][1] Go easy on me though, this is my first time trying my hand at writing fan fic. 

And now, without further ado.....   
  
  


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FOREVER

by

Gabby Bard 

  
  
_

"This was to be their last journey together, and both were too aware, too discerning not to know it. They talked little, each lost in his own thoughts. Master and disciple had been close; their imminent seperation could only sharpen thier sense of loss and suffering. What would become of them, one and the other-one without the other?" --from FiveBiblical Portaits by Elie Wiesel

_   
  
  
"Could it be any hotter out here?" I groaned and brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face. 

Xena looked down at me with a grin. "This weather sure brings out the best in you, doesn't it?" She says, a sarcastic smirk forming on her lips. 

I shot the warrior a mild glare "Well I'm glad too see that my misery is amusing you." I said with a frown "Just be glad that I haven't taken it out on you...yet." 

Xena glanced down at me again with a look of amusement "I know its hot Gabrielle. I promise we'll stop to rest soon, ok?" She said sincerly "In fact, there's a small lake not too far from here. Does a swim sound fun?" 

For the first time that afternoon I smiled "Sounds great!" I said and my step became quicker at the thought of a cool swim. Behind me I heard Xena chuckle at my enlightenment. "Don't start Xena, I'm just starting to get in a good mood." 

"Whatever you say Gabrielle." Xena said in a spirited voice and to myself I wondered what had Xena in such a good mood today. 

Within a half a candlemark or so we reached the lake. I barely wasted a second in getting into the cool water. Xena laughed at me again. Ignoring my friend's mirth, I swam out to where I couldn't touch bottom and began to tread water. "Come on in Xena, the water is fantastic." I said happily. 

She needed no further encouragement and quickly undressed. Then, she climbed up onto a nearby cliff and prepared to dive into the water. She tossed me one more adventerous grin and dove gracefully of the rock. 

I continued to tread water as I waited patiently for Xena's head to break the suface of the lake. Sure enough, within a few seconds I spotted her swimming towards me. 

"You're such a showoff, you know that?" I remarked with a grin as she swam up next to me. 

She feigned an innocent look. "What? Oh you mean the dive? Yeah its just something I picked up along the way. Why don't you ever dive?" 

"To put it simply, I can't. When I dive it looks about as graceful as a hippo doing a bellyflop in the water." 

Xena laughed, showing her perfect white teeth. I wish she'd do that more often, I think it would be good for her. 

"I could teach you how to dive." The warrior offered but I shook my head. 

"You could spend all summer trying to teach me I wouldn't make any progress. No, I think I'll just stick to being a bard and leave the swan dives to you." 

"Well, keep the offer in mind, you may want to learn how sometime." 

"I doubt it Xena, but I'll keep it in mind. For now though I'm just going to enjoy this nice cool water." I said with a lazy smile as I turned onto my back to float. 

After a few minutes I realized that had I neither heard nor seen her for a few minutes. "Xena?" Silence. I called out her name again, hoping to hear a response. "Xena?" I felt worry begin to creep up my spine and was just about to dive under the water to search for my friend when I felt a hand take hold of my ankle and pull me down. As soon as my head went below the water my ankle was released and I kicked my way back to the to surface, sputtering and half choking on a mouthful of water. And there in front of me was Xena grinning wildly. 

"Xena!" I said, my face flushing with anger. "You scared the Hades out of me!" 

"C'mon Gabs, it was just a joke." She said and splashed me with water. "You know I love ya." 

"Right." I smirked and returned the gesture. Within seconds the lake erupted into a melee of flying water and the silence of the afternoon was pierced by shouts and bursts of laughter. 

It was _so_ hard to stay mad at her. 

********

By late afternoon we were sprawled out on the grass next to the lake catching some sun. We decided to camp around the area that night so there was no need for us to do any more traveling that day. I was more than happy about that. It was too hot out to do anything but be lazy. Xena was lying on her back watching clouds and I was absorbed in my own thoughts. 

"What do you want for supper, Gabrielle?" Xena suddenly asked me. 

"Hmm?" I was just beginning to think of a good poem for my scrolls when her question broke me out of my reverie."Supper? How about rabbit? We've had so much fish lately that if I never see another one of those slimy things again it will be to soon." 

Xena grinned. "Yeah me too. Rabbit sounds good. I'll go catch us one as soon as I muster up the ambition to pick myself up off the ground." 

"Okay. No hurry, though. I'm not that hungry right now." Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smirk. "Anyway," I continued, ignoring her facial expression "want to tell me why your in such an exceptional mood today?" 

"Are you saying that I'm usually a grump?" She asked surprised 

"No, not at all. Its just that you're normally in more of a...serious mood." 

"Well, I guess I have to work on that." Xena chuckled. 

"Hey, now stop changing the subject." I said looking at her pointedly. "Time to fess up. What's got you so happy today?" 

Xena hoisted herself up off the ground. "Later Gabrielle. Later." She said with a twinkle in her eye. And with that she disappeared into the woods. 

"Now I _know_ something's up." I said aloud as I reluctantly moved myself off the cool grass to begin collecting wood for the fire. 

I barely finished setting up camp when Xena strolled back into the clearing."Think this will be enough for you?" She held the bunny up for me to see. 

"For now." I said with a smirk. 

"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of." Xena said, plopping herself down on a log to skin the animal. 

"Oh you're just a laugh a minute." I playfully stuck my tongue out at her. 

She pretended to ignore me as she finished skinning the bunny. When done, Xena handed it over to me. "Here you go, Chef Gabs. The rest is up to you." 

"Thanks." I grinned. "Chef Gabs, huh? That's got a nice ring to it." In response, my companion just rolled her eyes and chuckled. 

After we were through eating and the evening chores were completed, I sat across the fire from Xena and looked at her expectantly. "Well?" 

"Well what?" She replied, feigning exasperation without removing her eyes from the sword she was sharpening. 

"You know what." 

"Do I?" The taller woman said in a way that drove me crazy. "Refresh my memory." 

Now it was my turn to look exasperated. "Xena," I whined "I asked you earlier why you're in such a good mood and you said you'd tell me later. Well, its later." I said, anxious to hear her reason. 

Xena chuckled and put her sword aside. "You've got a better memory than I thought." She grinned broadly and stood, going over to Argo's saddle. She rumaged around and produced two small packages. She walked back over and handed them to me with a smile without a word sat to watch me open them. 

I rose an eyebrow in Xena's direction. "What's this?" I asked as I carefully unwrapped the smaller of the two packages. My eyes widened in surprise as I lifted from the package a delicate silver chain with an amethyst charm on it. "Oh Xena, its beautiful." I said in awe and looked to her for an explanation. 

"Happy birthday." My best friend said simply, a gentle smile graced her face. 

I had completely forgotten. "Thank you." I went around the campfire to Xena's side and threw my arms around her in an almost childish hug. "Thank you so much!" 

Xena smiled and turned a light crimson color. "You don't think I could forget, do you?" She said, returning the hug. 

"Well, _I_ forgot. You know how terrible I am at remembering birthdays." 

"Maybe so, but I would never forget your special day." Xena smiled warmly at me and I couldn't help but give her another hug. "But wasn't it expensive?" 

"Nothing is too expensive when it comes to you." 

"You're too good to me Xena." I said sincerely and put the pendant around my neck. 

Xena was getting flustered by all the compliments. "Hey, you haven't opened your other present yet, kiddo." She said trying to draw some of the attention away from herself. 

Kiddo. Xena is the _only_ one I let call me that, otherwise its just downright patronizing. "Oh yeah, the other package." I said while beginning unwrap the second present. To my surprise I found inside it my most favorite Greek dessert; Baklava. 

"Wow! Where did you find this? I haven't had this scince I was a little girl." I remarked incredulously. 

Xena grinned, pleased. "A warrior never reveals her secrets." 

I grinned back and split the Baklava in two, giving half to Xena. Then popping my half into my mouth, I shut my eyes momentarily to savor the taste of the treat. "Mmmm..." 

A minute later I opened my eyes to find Xena looking at me amused. "Thank you for a great birthday Xena. You know you didn't have to get me anything though." 

"I know." She said with a sly grin as she stood. "I'm going to go take Argo down to the lake. She needs a lot of water in this ungodsly heat." Xena took the mare by the reins. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She called over her shoulder as she started down the path. 

I shook my head slightly as I watched her and Argo disappear down the path. What I ever did to deserve her for a best friend I will never know. 

**********

"I still don't get how you see that as a bear." Xena commented, sprawled out on her bedroll, pointing out the constellation that she still thought looked like a water dipper. 

I pretended to be exasperated as for the tenth time I tried to explain. "You see it now?" I finished tossing a glance at her. 

"Nope." The raven haired woman replied as an enigmatic grin crept onto her face. 

"Oh you're impossible Xena!" I laughed and gently poked her in the ribs. 

"You shouldn't talk, Gabs..." She smirked and proceeded to elbow me back. 

"Oh yeah, like that will happen." I said matter of factly. 

Xena let out a soft laugh that was promptly followed by a big yawn. 

"Tired, huh?" I asked while stifling a yawn of my own. 

"Yea, its been a long day." 

"But a great one, thanks to you." I added. 

Xena, once again uncomfortable with the praise simply grinned at me and turned over onto her side. "Night Gabrielle. Sweet dreams." She mumbled over her shoulder. 

I arched an amused eyebrow and leaned over to give Xena a quick peck on the cheek. 

"Hey!" She protested, but I could see a happy grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. 

I laid back down and turned over myself. "Good night Xena. Sweet dreams to you too." I grinned and shut my eyes and not long after fell into a blissful and peaceful sleep. 

*********

The sound of harsh voices rudely awakened me. I sat up and looked around. Even with squinting my eyes I barely made out Xena's form fighting off about two dozen soldiers in the weak moonlight. *What time is it?* I thought and quickly rose to retrieve my staff. 

The scruffy men seemed delighted that there was someone new to fight and I had no problem finding a place in the battle. Before long I was so involved in whacking men with my staff that I didn't even realize that Xena had been injured. All I could hear from that side of the camp was the clashing of swords and Xena's occasional "Ayiyiyiyiyi!" so I naturally assumed that everything was okay. It wasn't until much later that I realized how wrong of an assumption that was. 

It didn't take us too long to finish off the soldiers. After the ones that could walk drug away their more seriously wounded, I turned to Xena. She seemed more winded than usual but I just attributed it to her being tired. "Who were those men and what did they want?" I asked while trying to catch my breath. 

"They're just local thugs who wanted to snatch a couple of dinars. I think we really took them by surprise." She said and returned to her bedroll. "I doubt that they'll be back tonight." 

I sat down on my blanket and looked over at my best friend. Her face seemed tense, almost as if she was in pain. "Are you okay?" 

Xena put up a confused look. "Yeah. Why?" 

"You just seem like you're...in pain or something." 

Xena gave me a reassuring smile. "I'm fine Gabrielle. Stop your fussing and get some rest." She said shutting her eyes. 

I hesitated. "Alright..but let me know if you need anything ok?" 

"Sure Gabs, whatever." She barely finished mumbling before she started snoring. 

I gave Xena a concerned look as I reached over and covered her with the blanket. "Please be alright." I whispered to her sleeping form. With a sigh I laid back down on my bedroll. I ended up falling alseep within half a candlemark but my sleep was restless and troubled. 

**********

I woke up the next morning with a jerk. The sun had already risen and at first it seemed like an ordinary day. Something didn't feel right though, but I couldn't put my finger on it. There were no warlords in sight or any other signs of an impending attack. Then I saw Xena. Now _that_ was strange. Xena was _always_ up before or at sunrise. By the time I had woken up the sun had been up for a few candlemarks already. *She's just tired, that's all.* I thought to myself hoping it was true. But when I took a closer look at the warrior's face I saw that her lips and face were uncommonly pale and her breathing appeared almost nonexistent. 

A cold fear set in the bottom of my stomach as I crawled over to her. "Xena?" I said quietly, silently praying that she answers me. No response. I was almost afraid to check for a pulse, but I forced myself to. I gently pressed two fingers to her neck and almost cried tears of relief when I found a pulse. It was weak but at least it was there. 

My touch must have stirred Xena, because she slowly began to open her eyes. "Gabr...ielle." She said weakly. 

"I'm here Xena." I said grasping her hand. 

"Water.." She croaked out and I quickly reached for the water pouch. I put a hand behind her back and helped her to sit up and take a few sips. When she was finished I laid her back down then studied her face. It was noticeable that even that minor exertion left her out of breath. 

"Xena, what happened? You got injured last night, didn't you?" 

The warrior looked away. She didn't need to tell me, anyway. I already knew the answer and it was all I could do not to start yelling at her right then and there. Why didn't she tell me? Didn't she trust me? 

Xena suddenly pulled the blanket back to reveal a deep puncture wound in her left side. It was a wonder that she made it through the night. She had lost more blood than was safe. "Damn those warlords." I muttered angrily. "I'm going to try to quell my amazonian rage long long enough to get your wound cleaned and stitched up." At my comment, I saw Xena manage a small smile. 

After I fumbled around and finally found the needle and thread from the medicine bag, I set them out near Xena and quickly ran down to the lake to get some water. I returned as soon as I could and sat down next to my friend. "Okay Xena, this might hurt..." I took a clean rag and dipped in water before beginning to carefully wipe the area around the wound. When I came to the actual injury, she sucked in her breath. "Sorry Xena..sorry." I said apologetically, chiding myself for causing her even more pain. 

When I had finished the first task, I took up the needle and thread. "I have to sow you up now." I gave her warning and I felt her muscles contract. With shaking hands I undertook the job of painstakingly stitching up Xena's bruised and open skin. I felt about as much pain as Xena did by doing this. But I knew I had to. I had to close the wound before it got infected. Treating my best friend for such an injury and watching her try to fight the pain accompaning it was worse than having a wound myself. It was awful. 

*How am I supposed to replace all the blood she lost? She needs a healer, not a bard* I thought to myself as I stitched. The nearest one of more than three days away and she was in no condition to be traveling so far. She would never have been able to make it. 

"Almost done Xena." I said when I heard her sigh anxiously. I hurried to finish the last stitch then sat back to view my handiwork. *Not bad, I guess.* It wasn't the best job but it would have to do. 

"Thanks Gabrielle." Xena said, her breath ragged. 

"Don't mention it." I said, trying to smile. I put away the needle and thread and rumaged around in the medicine bag for some herbs. I found a few that would make a decent poultice. 

Xena watched me with sleepy eyes as I created a paste with the herbs and some water. She had been oddly silent throughout the ordeal and it worried me. I knew she was a woman of few words but this silence seemed out of place; strange. 

I turned to Xena again. "All I have to do now is put this poultice on your wound. Fortunately, this part won't hurt." I said with a preoccupied smile and started to spread the medicine on the cut. 

"Gabrielle..." Xena suddenly began without looking at me. "I'm sorry about not telling you." 

I looked at Xena and sighed. "I know you are." I finished with the poultice and put the remaining of it back into the pouch. "But at least we've got it taken care of now." 

Xena finally turned to look at me. "The wound isn't going to--" 

"Xena you're fine." I said, knowing exactly what she was trying to say. One look at her told me she was about to reapproach the topic, but I wasn't letting her. "Why don't you get some rest before we move on?" I continued. "We won't be going far but we need to get you out of the sun." Between the loss of blood and the scorching heat it would have been too easy for Xena to get dehydrated. "I think there is a cave on the otherside of the lake. That would probably be the best place to take you scince the atmosphere will be cool and shady." 

Xena let out a resigned sigh and shut her eyes. It didn't take her but a few minutes to fall asleep again. I sat there watching her for some time. Her face seemed so dreadfully pale; such pitiful a contrast to its normally bronze and glowing appearance. *She'll be alright, Gabrielle. She'll be back to normal in no time.* I told myself. I wasn't about to let myself even imagine the possibility of losing her; the only person I needed in life. I couldn't and I wouldn't. 

Once I had packed away the camping supplies, I returned to the slumbering woman's side and gently woke her up. "Xena..." 

Xena's eyes fluttered open. "Hmm?" She said groggily. 

"Hey. How are you feeling?" 

"I've been better. I'm just so tired and all I've done is slept." 

"Don't worry about it, you need the rest." I said "I'm sorry about waking you up but we have to get you out of this sun now before it gets any hotter." 

I began to stand but Xena grabbed my hand. "Gabrielle, don't. You and I both know that I've lost too much blood. It won't be long now before--" 

"Shut up! Just shut up. I'm not letting you die. Not ever again!" I said so fiercely that that it startled us both. 

Xena winced and released my hand. "Fine Gabrielle. Do what you think you have to do." 

I stared at Xena for a minute then turned away to get Argo saddled up. "I hope I'm doing the right thing." I whispered to the mare as I tightened her saddle and checked her bridle. 

I crossed the campsite back to where Xena lay. "We're going to have to ride Argo. You're obviously in no shape to walk and I'm not too good at making litters. Its a good thing that we don't have to go all that far." I reached down and helped Xena to her feet. The taller woman let out a painful cry and doubled over, nearly losing her balance. Thanks to reflexes, I reacted quick enough to catch her before she fell to the ground. "Easy there." I said and slid an arm around her waist to help keep her upright. Xena gritted her teeth and tried to withstand the pain. 

"Its okay Xena. Take it easy." I said, trying to sooth her as I guided her over to Argo. *Now for the hard part.* I thought to myself. 

"Now I know this is going to hurt, but we have to get you up into the saddle." 

Xena frowned. "No changing your mind about this, is there?" 

"No." I said gently "You know, as well as I do, that the more you stay out in this heat, the worse it will make things." 

Xena's azure eyes reflected something I knew deep down but wouldn't admit. "Gabrielle..." She began but changed her mind. "Let's just get this over with." She finished. 

"Thanks Xena." I gave Xena a appreciative smile. "Can you get your foot up into the stirrup?" She nodded and painfully did as asked. Then putting a hand on hand side of her waist, I helped her up into the saddle and made sure she was situated before scurrying up behind her. I wrapped one arm securely around her and took the reins with the other hand. "I get to drive this time." I said with a grin. 

"Come on, my arms still work you know." Xena protested indignantly. She hated having someone help her if it was in any way avoidable. I guess it made her feel insecure. 

"Just concentrate on yourself for once, will you?" I replied giving her a look. "Ready?" 

"I guess." Came the tired reply. 

I snapped the reins."Yah! C'mon Argo!" 

For the majority of the ride, we sat in silence. As we rode along I felt Xena's entire body tense everytime we hit even the tiniest bump. "Hang on Xena, we're almost there." I said seeing the cave in close distance. I was beginning to feel guilty about pushing her so hard. Maybe moving her from the other camp wasn't such a good idea after all... 

When we finally reached out destination, we both heaved a sigh of relief. I slid off the horse and looked up at the warrior, ready to help her down. Xena sat unmoving with her head in her hands. "So dizzy..." I heard her mumble. 

Fighting back tears at seeing my normally lively and energetic warrior in such a state, I took hold of Xena's hand. "Come on Xena, let's get you inside." She weakly obliged, allowing me to help her off the horse. 

I walked her into the cave and eased her into a sitting position so she could rest while waiting for me to set out the blankets. As I went about doing so, I tried not to notice the way she was staring lethargically at the wall. 

Finally, I got the place set up and guided Xena over to her bedroll. She gave me a meaningful look and I could tell that she wanted to tell me something, but now wasn't the time. 

"If you don't mind, I'm just going to catch a few z's." She yawned. 

"Go right ahead." I gave her a sympathetic smile. 

"What about Argo. I have to--" 

"I'll take care of her Xena." I interrupted. "Just get some rest." Assured, the warrior smiled gratefully and closed her eyes. 

Once I was sure she was sleeping, I knelt down, looking thoughtfully at her. It was evident that the short journey from our camp to the cave wore heavily on her. Seeing her so limp and exhausted made me seriously wonder why I had been so insistent on moving her. "Oh Xena, why did you have to let your pride get in the way? I could have helped you better if you had told me sooner." I said aloud as I smoothed a stray wisp of hair off her wan face. "You have to be alright Xena, you just have to be. I can't lose you again." I said determinedly and slowly rose to go take care of Argo. 

I walked outside and took a deep breath of the afternoon air. It was humid and hot, anything but refreshing. I strolled over to Argo and began to groom and feed her, but did so at a leisurely pace. There was no place to go and nothing pressing I had to do so I took my time. All the while scenes from mine and Xena's past floated through my head.   
  
  
_"Gabrielle, do you ever miss your family?"_  
_" Sometimes. But not as much when I'm with you."_

_"You understand hatred but you've never given into it. You don't know how much I love...that."_

_"For me our friendship binds us closer than blood ever could."_   
_"For me too."_

_"You traded my whip for a frying pan?!"_  
_"Now wait a minute Xena. We need a pan to cook our food. I'm still waiting for the fish I ate at lunch to stop trying to swim up stream!" _

_"Xena I killed her..."_  
_"No, no it must have been an accident--"_  
_"No, I killed her. I wanted to kill her."_

_"So you're saying that today is actually yesterday for you, but for us today's today because we can't remember that yesterday is today, right?"_   
_"Right."_  
_"I don't get it."_

_"You sometimes talk about your darkness as if its some sort of a disease. But without it neither one of us would be here."_

_"I don't want you near the food. A lice infested rabbit is not on my diet."_  
_"I don't have lice! Its dandruff...a minor scalp irritation, that's all."_

_"Xena, do you think I could have understood the power of selfless love if it weren't for our friendship?" _

_"Xena, I know you can hear me, wherever you are. I know you always told me to be strong but I can't be...not now. You can't leave me. I know its not your time, I can feel it in my heart. I just feel this emptiness that I've never known before and it scares me. Xena, above all, remember your destiny. Remember it and fight. Just fight to come back. This world needs you. I need you."_  
  
  
That last thought, the memory of Xena's death on Mount Nestos made me shiver. "You can't leave me again. You told me you'd never die on me again." I said aloud as another past memory came into mind. It was right after we got Xena's body back.   
  
  
_"Xena, promise me that you'll never die on me again."_  
_"Oh I promise."_  
  
  
I had had enough reminiscing for the time being. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and returned to the cave. I glanced at Xena, unsurprisingly she was still asleep. 

I sat against the wall just inside the mouth of the cave and looked out into the brightness of the afternoon. There wasn't much for me to do at the moment. With Argo taken care of and Xena sleeping, there was nothing left for me to do but worry...and that I had been doing all day. 

"How can I replace all that blood she lost?" I wondered for the umpteenth time that day. What made me so angry was that I couldn't find a reasonable answer to that question. Xena had lost such an amount that her body couldn't replace it on its own and there was no way to get her to a healer or a healer to her on time. 

The whole dilemma had left me feeling terribly helpless and worn out. "I've got to find a way to save you.." I mumbled as I fell into an exhausted and troubled sleep. 

**********

I awoke in early evening a few hours later. My thoughts naturally went straight to Xena. She was lying on her back staring up at the celing of the cave. If I hadn't seen her blink in the next few seconds I probably would have asssumed the worst. 

I walked over to her and sat on the corner of her bedroll. "Hey you." I said affectionately. 

The warrior turned her head toward me with much effort. "Hey Gabrielle." She smiled briefly then became serious. The way she was fixing her dark blue eyes on me gave me warning of the coming conversation. 

Trying to avoid the talk she wanted to have, I grabbed the water pouch and offered it to her. "Do you need a drink or anything?" 

Xena gently took the water pouch out of my hand and set it down next to her. "Gabrielle, I want to talk to you." 

"But Xena, I--" I began to get up. 

Xena took hold of my hand again before I could leave, forcing me to face the inevitable. "Please?" 

I stopped. I knew I was just being selfish and Xena really wanted to talk. And something about her tone of voice made me yield. "Alright." I murmured, dreading what she had to say. 

"I know you don't want to hear this," She said, her voice tender. "But you need to face the truth." 

"The truth is that you're going to be fine." I said vehemently. "I'll see to that." I didn't really believe that it was in my power to save her, but I was still trying to convice myself that I could. 

She gave me an appreciative look. "You've done all you can. And I'm very grateful for your efforts. But this is just one of those unavoidable things in life." 

"I could have done more for you if you would have come to me sooner for help. Why did you have to let your pride get in the way?" 

"I'm sorry Gabrielle." Xena said averting her eyes from my accusing stare. "I didn't even realize how badly I was hurt until this morning. 

"But isn't there something--anything--we can do?" 

"No." She said stoically. "I've lost too much blood and I'm still bleeding." She moved her shift, revealing the wound. 

I stared down at her side in shock. The entire area around the wound had turned black and blue. She was bleeding internally and it was beginning to show beneath the skin. "The sword must have punctured one of my organs. My liver, I'm guessing." Xena said and pulled her shift back down. 

I knew now that I could no longer deny the situation and my tears began to fall. I made no effort to stop them. Xena looked at me. She looked grim but she tried to grin for my sake. "Hey kiddo, what's the tears for? You'll hardly know I'm gone." She tried unsuccessfully to joke around. When I didn't respond Xena continued more seriously. "C'mon Gabrielle, you know I hate to see you cry." 

"I can't lose you again." I said between sobs "You promised me! You promised you'd never leave me again." 

"Please don't make this harder than it already is Gabrielle. You think I want to leave you? Of course not! But I don't have a choice." Xena watched me for a moment then wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into an embrace. 

"You can't die Xena, I need you." I sniffled while adjusting myself so that I didn't lean on her injured side. 

"And I need you. You know, the hardest thing about dying is me leaving you. But I'll always be with you Gabrielle. Never forget that." She said and stroked my hair fondly. 

Her words only made me want to cry harder, but I bit down on my lip and tried to regain some control. "How am I supposed to go on with out by my side?" 

"You must remember the greater good. This world needs _you_ Gabrielle. I'll always be here to help you, you'll just need to listen to me with heart and not your ears." 

The enormity of the task I was supposed to undergo made my head spin. How was I ever going to be a help to mankind without Xena? I wasn't a hero, a good healer, or a great warrior. As I was thinking of these things, I realized that Xena was comforting _me_ instead of I, her. And she was the one losing her life (although I felt I was losing my soul). I sat up. "Do you need anything? Water? Another blanket?" 

"Stop waiting on me Gabs. Just sit beside me. You're the only thing I want during my last hours here." The warrior said in such a calm tone that it almost irritated me. I wanted her to fight for her life. It felt like she was just giving up. I didn't tell her this though, I just obeyed her request silently. With a heavy heart and a head full of questions I returned to the taller woman's side and lay down on the blanket next to her. 

Xena smiled contentedly and shut her eyes. "Love you Gabrielle." Her last words to me although I didn't know it at the time. 

With great difficulty I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I love you too Xena...always." 

Xena flashed me one more of her brilliant smiles and fell into a quiet sleep. Too grief stricken to rest, I watched my friend in her peaceful slumber. Once again past memories both good and bad began to float through my mind.   
  
  
_"Have I made myself clear?"_  
_"Umm...no. You're a little fuzzy around the edges but you keep trying, you'll get there."_

_"Xena, I know you hate me. But its no more than I hate myself."_  
_"Scratch my nose, will ya?"_

_"Always looking out for me, huh?"_  
_"Always."_

_"If only I would have listened to you when you told me to do it, then they would still be alive--Kaleipus and Solan."_  
_"No. Don't you even speak his name."_  
_"Xena.."_  
_"No. No, I trusted you and you lied and now Solan is dead. My son is dead because of you."_

_"This is sabotage!"_  
_"Gabrielle, its just a bad dress."_  
_"Bad dress? Xena, chiffon is bad, chartreuse is bad, but this is a disaster. You'll be eliminated halfway down the catwalk."_

_"No Gabrielle, this is crazy. You can't be in love with Joxer! He's--He's Joxer!"_  
_"Are you talking about my man?"_

_"Xena I can't lose you again."_  
_"Gabrielle I'll always be here."_

_"Are you sitting on the soap?"_  
_"I wondered what that was..."_

_"I hope I never disappoint you Xena."_  
_"Impossible!"_  
_"I've learned anything is possible."_

_"I know that I am going to die. I accept that, why can't you? A long time ago I accepted the consequences of our life together; that it might one day come to this. It has. I'm not afriad."_  
_"You always said I was the brave one. Look at you now. If this is our destiny, lets see it out together. Even in death Gabrielle, I will never leave you."_   
  
  
After some time I broke out of my thoughts and looked at Xena. Dread filled me as I studied her face. Her skin was a sort of whitish-gray color and her chest motionless. I sat bolt upright and and frantically felt for a pulse. There wasn't one. With my heart pouding in my ears I tried desperately for the next few minutes to force air back into her lungs but to no avail. Seeing no result, I pulled Xena half into my lap and gently ran my thumb across her cheek. Her skin was so cold it was frightening. "Please Xena, please don't leave me. I'll do anything." I pleaded to my friend's lifeless body as tears fell from my eyes. "Please..." I murmured and gave into the waves of sorrow that were overcoming me. 

***************

Several hours and tears later, I lifted my head and saw the sun beginning to rise. *How am I going to get through this day, much less the rest of my life?* I wondered to myself and looked sadly down at Xena. Her face seemed peaceful and serene, almost cherubic. 

Sometime during the night I had decided that I would give Xena a funeral fire here, then take her ashes back to Amphipolis so she could be with Lyceus. That would be the easiest way to do things. 

I laid the Warrior Princess back down on the bedroll. I gazed at her for a long moment trying to memorize her face, suddenly panicked by the thought of not seeing it again. Steadying myself I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead and solemnly covered her face with a blanket. Blinking back a new gush of tears, I stood up and left the cave. 

Outside Argo was standing near the cave looking forlorn; seeming to know that her mistress was gone. I patted the mare's golden mane. "I know, I know." I whispered to her before setting out to build Xena's pyre. 

For the next several hours I diligently went about building the pyre. Finally, in late afternoon I finished. I took a few minutes to feed Argo and take a break. I reluctantly went back into the cave where it was cooler and had a seat. While I was working earlier I had been thinking about where I was going to go and what I was going to do after I took Xena to Amphipolis. Eventually I reached the descision that I would go stay with the Amazons for awhile, they would want to know what happened anyway. 

With a sigh I got up and went over to Xena's body. "Let's get this over with." I mumbled and picked up her covered body. I took her outside and over to the pyre. Because I was smaller than her, I had some difficulty getting her up there but I managed somehow. 

I made a torch and stood beside the pyre for a moment, hesitant and wondering if I was doing the right thing. But what else could I do? It was too dangerous to travel with her body back to her homeland. I gulped and quickly lit the wood before anymore doubts could creep into my head. 

I stood a few feet back and watched as the flames engulfed Xena. I knew this would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I was struggling to hold back tears so I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to regain my composure. While I was still standing there with my eyes closed, I all of a sudden was overpowered by a deep sense of peace. It consumed me and quieted my sorrow. An involuntary smile crept onto my face. I opened my eyes and looked around, but no one was there. But I knew it was Xena's spirit that brought me that peace. 

With a serene sigh, I turned my eyes away from the flames and set my gaze on the setting sun. I tenderly clutched the amethyst pendant in my hand. "I love you Xena..." I said aloud, my words being carried away into the evening by a gentle breeze. I knew Xena could hear me and I could almost hear her say it back. 

Still watching the sun sink beneath the trees, I realized that I would always miss her but my memories of her would never disappear. The sadness was gone from my heart now and in its place was the complete certainty that wherever I should journey on this earth, my beloved friend would be with me..._.forever_.   
  
  
  


THE END

Lovingly dedicated to the world's greatest best friend, my light and inspiration, Ferdi Ribeiro. 

Copyright 2000 

________________________________________

  


**Feedback**: If you would like to comment on my fan fic, please email me. My email addy is [gkehring@tds.net ][1] Go easy on me though, this is my first time trying my hand at writing fan fic. 

  
  


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